The War of Energy Maintenance - Top 6 Foods

Our biology requires us to maintain energy through the oral intake of organic chemicals. Let's look at the top energy sources:

6. Broccoli/Carrots

Vegetables taste like the ground we step on, but unfortunately these rebels provide you with the greatest health benefits. You can't be strong without them, so we must tolerate their anarchistic tendencies. The two most efficient ways to force these renegades into your digestive system is through broccoli and carrots.

Broccoli: These resilient bastards are dry and thick, but they have a weakness - hot water. Steam the motherfuckers until their strength is drained, then slather their helplessly hydrated trunks in olive oil and proceed to slide them down your gullet.
Carrots: Going head to head with a fully grown carrot is reminiscent of David and Goliath. That's why you must go after their children. Pop baby carrots like chips and don't think about it.

5. Breakfast

I'm not talking about the first meal of the day. Breakfast isn't a bowl of cereal, a fruit dish or a fancy-ass yogourt parfait.
Breakfast is eggs. It's the bacon, sausage and peameal that are nestled between the crispy hashbrowns and your unsatiated appetite. Start your morning with gunpowder, not lollipops. Start it with eggs.

4. Poutine

Poutine is a gloriously dense bucket of energy and salt. But don't be fooled. If the cheese curds don't squeak between your teeth, and if they can't maintain their form despite the onslaught of hot gravy that envelopes them, then it's not a poutine. If I had a nickel for every time I've ordered a poutine and gotten shredded cheese or cheese chunks, I'd be dead. If you're a restaurant owner, stop trying to fool me - you do not sell poutine - you sell fries with gravy and cheese chunks. Reprint your menu and stop the deceit.

Real curds, no, bricks

3. Thai Curry

What happens when you mix coconut milk, salt and a surplus of unfathomable spices? An all-expenses-paid round-trip to flavour town. When a drop of this golden masterpiece comes into contact with a human tongue, the very fabric of the Universe experiences a subtle jostling. Nobody really knows for sure what's going on with these dishes or what constitutes their magic, so all I can say is the spicier the better. I want my nose to bleed.

Visual representation

2. Pizza

What can I say.  5 billion pizzas sold every year says it all. Greasy cheese slapped onto bread, with unlimited options for toppings. If you don't have a permanent grease stain on your bed, you're not a true pizza lover.
Bread is a waste of space though folks, think of it as a carriage for the meat and cheese. Get thin crust or go home.

Cartoon pizza is best pizza

1. Meat

The backbone of any meal. Meat infuses you with protein and makes you feel like a barbarian. If you don't eat meat, you may as well surrender to nature - let the wind blow you into oblivion.

"You can't put an entire food group as a top food."

Yes I can. I'm not a speciest, all meat provides protein. If you're having a meal and it doesn't have protein, you're not eating properly.

Do what your grandma said, "Eat your meat and grow strong." Don't fuck this up.